On a Lighter Note
I know my posts aren’t the most light-hearted most of the times. So I thought I would share some Calvinist jokes that I found scouring the Internet:
How can you tell if you’re on a Calvinist train?
- They’re all Calvinist trains. You’re only going where they want you to go…
How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb?
- Well, is the lightbulb meant to be changed? Maybe this lightbulb was never intended to change. Maybe this light bulb is meant to stay dark.
How do you confuse a Calvinist?
- Offer them three cakes and say it’s up to them which one they eat.
What do you call a Calvinist ex-prisoner?
- A Reformed character.
How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. God has predestined when the lights will be on..
How many Calvinists?
Every Calvinist knows only God can change a lightbulb.
This is for the folks who think Charles Spurgeon was the Chuck Norris of the church!
CHUCK” SPURGEON FACTS:
-It was Chuck Spurgeon who wrote the book of Hebrews.
-A few of the early Puritans wanted Chuck Spurgeon to come preach, but most thought he was too extreme.
-Chuck Spurgeon once found Jesus in the second chapter of 1 Chronicles.
-Chuck Spurgeon once preached on Election and ended up converting people. That’s not a joke.
-Phillip Yancey’s book Where is God When it Hurts? was written after Chuck Spurgeon got a hold of him.
-They once tried to carve Chuck Spurgeon’s face into a graven image, but the granite wasn’t hard enough for his beard. Oh; and the craftsmen were struck dead.
-Once Chuck Spurgeon and John Piper held a contest to see who had the most of the five points of Calvinism. Chuck Spurgeon won. By eight.
What did the guardian angel say to the preterist as he carried him upwards during the 2nd coming to be resurrected with Christ?
“Surprise”
Enjoy,
Kevin
