Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together
I just finished reading this book.
I have to say that when I saw another book on marriage was coming out, my first impression was to think: : “What is Mark and Grace Driscoll going to say that I haven’t heard before?” Honestly, in most cases, the concepts of friendship and how God views marriage is not new. In fact there are a lot of books out there that will tell you a lot of the same stuff.
What made it stand out for me was that the concepts presented weren’t from a “case study” point of view. This came from the story of their lives together. What they did wrong and what they work on doing right to make thier marriage stronger is what kept me reading. To top it all off, they were dealing with a lot of these issues while starting and pastoring a large church which takes the things they had to deal with and the ramifications if they couldn’t work things out to a whole nother level.
Another thing that stood out for me is how the Gospel is applied and scripture is exalted, not psychological techniques, to each area covered, which is something that you don’t see normally. Most books are “you-focused” its all about you: your behavior, your actions, your feelings, your desires, ect. This is where this book deviates from the conventional. It talks about how to be a servant to your spouse, how to forgive, how to choke the root of bitterness in your life, and recognize destructive patterns of behavior in your marriage that you inherited from your parents.
I also love the simplified way in which Mark and Grace explore the various ways we express our love sexually to our spouse and is it a way that is scripturally healthy and benefical as a married couple.
There are a lot more things I enjoyed but I think you need to go and get a copy for yourself and check it out. You won’t be disappointed.
Kevin
I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
Just Enough? (Questions I Am Asking Myself)
Here are some questions I have been asking myself lately:
1) Am I doing just enough in my areas of ministry to keep others from noticing the areas that they need a lot of improvement?
2) Am I doing just enough to fool myself into thinking my relationship with God is where it should be?
3) Am I doing just enough to help meet my spouses’ heart-felt needs that she isn’t totally miserable being with me?
4) Am I doing just enough to make sure that my children know I exist?
5) Am I doing just enough on my job to make sure i don’t get fired?
6) Am I giving just enough to look generous or sacrificially giving?
Just enough is not good enough in any of these areas when we look at what Christ did for us. Are we fooling ourselves? Are we taking things we shouldn’t for granted?
Food for thought
Kevin
Root of Bitterness Part 2
Hebrews 12:15) See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled
There are many circumstances that can plant the seed of bitterness. For brevity sake, I will only list a couple. I want to focus on the subtle more than the obvious.
- Abuse (mental, physical, sexual)
- Unmet needs and expectations (big)
- Past hurts
Sometimes the smallest comment or the most innocent action can be taken as an offense and thus begins a process that ultimately leads you far from God and you didn’t even know how you got there. Maybe your husband didn’t do something you wanted him to do and it goes from a moment of laziness to a characterization that your husband is a lazy bum. This is an example of how a bad decision on the husband’ s part can cause division and strife if an offense is allowed to take root. A stupid remark from a wife who is innocently joking about her husband leads to bitterness, rejection and an affair. This may seem extreme but if the root of bitterness is left to grow, these things can happen. If you were to ask couples who were divorced, if you could get to where the problems all began, you would find that it started with something very small, and it grew to ginormous proportions! There are people in church that do ignorant things sometimes too. Someone says something that hurt someone else’s feelings which leads to a split in the church and more people than original offended and offendee become affected. This is the nature of bitterness. It starts small in many cases and becomes something that it never should have become.
This is the nature of our enemy. How do you combat it? How do we make our hearts “bad ground” for the seed of bitterness to flourish and grow?
1) Self- Examination- we need to ask ourselves the questions we don’t want to answer. It’s not easy but an honest self-exam will keep the things we need to work on in front of us so they don’t sneak up on us from behind.
2) Prayer- If we have a relationship with God, He will give us the strength and vision to see those things and bring those hurts and offenses to Him before they have a chance to take root. The Lord’s prayer says to “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us” .
3) Be Accountable- If there is a Godly person you can trust, stay accountable for the things that are going on in your life. They can help you stay on the path away from bitterness.
If you have let the root of bitterness creep into your life or if you need prayer, I would be glad to pray with you. Don’t let bitterness destroy your life. Be mindful and guard your heart.
Kevin
Root of Bitterness
Galatians 5:19) Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20) idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, 21) envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
I did a series recently called “Who is Pulling the Strings?”. It was essentially about spiritual warfare. I talked about the works of the flesh and how when we continue to practice those things, we open a door for the demonic to come in and take control of our lives. The root of bitterness is such an important issue that I felt like it almost warranted it’s own series by itself, but i will try to put it one post. Let’s take a quick look at a passage from the book of Hebrews. It is a book in the New Testament for those of you who may not know where to look:
Hebrews 12:15) See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled
The problem with roots is that you cannot see them. How many of you have sat and watched a seed fall from a weed, fall to the ground, get covered by dirt, and grow roots? I would venture to say none of you have. It is a a very unnoticable process. You don’t know you have a weed until the plant has taken root and has grown to a point that it is noticable and troublsome.
This is the same with bitterness. The offense is not always as “in your face” as someone just coming out and wronging you to your face. In many, if not most cases, bitterness creeps in and you don’t know it’s there until it has been nutured to a point it manifests itself outwardly.
To Be Continued…..
Kevin
Who is Pulling the Strings Part 4
Influence: the act or power of producing an effect without apparent exertion of force or direct exercise of command.
Manipulation: to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one’s own advantage.
Manipulation is not always inspired by the demonic but it is no less wrong or evil. This happens a lot in marriage. You can get to know your spouse so well you know what things affect them and the ways it affects them. You know what sets off your spouse. You know what your spouse desires most. Knowing these things is supposed to better your relationship. However, these things can be used in an unhealthy manner. Mental abuse is nothing more than manipulation. Spouses berate the other to make them do what they want them to do. It is so sick that a spouse would take the sacred gift of their spouses’ heart and twist it and manipulate the person they are supposed to love like Christ loved the church, but it happens. Men telling their their wives they need to lose weight so they never feel attractive. Women who withhold sex to teach their husbands a lesson or until they do what they want.
These are forms of manipulation and are demonic and evil. Couples have to be very careful to not let bitterness creep into their marriage. A conscious effort must be made or just as subtly as a commercial ad we barely glimpse over compels us to buy something, so can a word said in the wrong way, can set a marriage on a course it was never meant to go.
To be continued…
Kevin
One Year!
It’s hard to believe that I have been married to the love of my life for a year already! The year has gone by sooo fast! It hasn’t been without challenges and struggles (like any marriage)but we have a God that has been with us in the good and bad. I have seen my sweetie grow as leader and Christ-Follower. I am so thankful that God brought me just what I needed when He gave me my wife. She has helped me to become the leader and man of God that I want to be. You are so awesome!
