Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship, and Life Together
I just finished reading this book.
I have to say that when I saw another book on marriage was coming out, my first impression was to think: : “What is Mark and Grace Driscoll going to say that I haven’t heard before?” Honestly, in most cases, the concepts of friendship and how God views marriage is not new. In fact there are a lot of books out there that will tell you a lot of the same stuff.
What made it stand out for me was that the concepts presented weren’t from a “case study” point of view. This came from the story of their lives together. What they did wrong and what they work on doing right to make thier marriage stronger is what kept me reading. To top it all off, they were dealing with a lot of these issues while starting and pastoring a large church which takes the things they had to deal with and the ramifications if they couldn’t work things out to a whole nother level.
Another thing that stood out for me is how the Gospel is applied and scripture is exalted, not psychological techniques, to each area covered, which is something that you don’t see normally. Most books are “you-focused” its all about you: your behavior, your actions, your feelings, your desires, ect. This is where this book deviates from the conventional. It talks about how to be a servant to your spouse, how to forgive, how to choke the root of bitterness in your life, and recognize destructive patterns of behavior in your marriage that you inherited from your parents.
I also love the simplified way in which Mark and Grace explore the various ways we express our love sexually to our spouse and is it a way that is scripturally healthy and benefical as a married couple.
There are a lot more things I enjoyed but I think you need to go and get a copy for yourself and check it out. You won’t be disappointed.
Kevin
I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
Just Enough? (Questions I Am Asking Myself)
Here are some questions I have been asking myself lately:
1) Am I doing just enough in my areas of ministry to keep others from noticing the areas that they need a lot of improvement?
2) Am I doing just enough to fool myself into thinking my relationship with God is where it should be?
3) Am I doing just enough to help meet my spouses’ heart-felt needs that she isn’t totally miserable being with me?
4) Am I doing just enough to make sure that my children know I exist?
5) Am I doing just enough on my job to make sure i don’t get fired?
6) Am I giving just enough to look generous or sacrificially giving?
Just enough is not good enough in any of these areas when we look at what Christ did for us. Are we fooling ourselves? Are we taking things we shouldn’t for granted?
Food for thought
Kevin
Who is Pulling the Strings Part 4
Influence: the act or power of producing an effect without apparent exertion of force or direct exercise of command.
Manipulation: to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one’s own advantage.
Manipulation is not always inspired by the demonic but it is no less wrong or evil. This happens a lot in marriage. You can get to know your spouse so well you know what things affect them and the ways it affects them. You know what sets off your spouse. You know what your spouse desires most. Knowing these things is supposed to better your relationship. However, these things can be used in an unhealthy manner. Mental abuse is nothing more than manipulation. Spouses berate the other to make them do what they want them to do. It is so sick that a spouse would take the sacred gift of their spouses’ heart and twist it and manipulate the person they are supposed to love like Christ loved the church, but it happens. Men telling their their wives they need to lose weight so they never feel attractive. Women who withhold sex to teach their husbands a lesson or until they do what they want.
These are forms of manipulation and are demonic and evil. Couples have to be very careful to not let bitterness creep into their marriage. A conscious effort must be made or just as subtly as a commercial ad we barely glimpse over compels us to buy something, so can a word said in the wrong way, can set a marriage on a course it was never meant to go.
To be continued…
Kevin
One Year!
It’s hard to believe that I have been married to the love of my life for a year already! The year has gone by sooo fast! It hasn’t been without challenges and struggles (like any marriage)but we have a God that has been with us in the good and bad. I have seen my sweetie grow as leader and Christ-Follower. I am so thankful that God brought me just what I needed when He gave me my wife. She has helped me to become the leader and man of God that I want to be. You are so awesome!
Marriage: Not for the Faint of Heart I
Can I get an amen from the married people out there?! I want to dedicate at least a couple of blogs to married couples. I have learned a lot of things through trial and error (lot’s of them) and still learning a ton. Marriage is a constant learning experience. The person you marry is not always the exact same person you will be married to in ten years. People change. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. It’s how you react to the worse parts that tend to determine whether you will be married or divorced in the next ten years.
It’s funny, well maybe not, how when you met your spouse and “fell in love” with each other you could do little wrong. We overlook things that just don’t bother us all that much. After all, “we have the rest of our lives to deal with it”. It’s funny, well maybe not, that after a few years those things are no longer a “personality quirk” and become the issues that threaten to destroy the commitment that both of you gave each other before God. Let me share some marriage myths with you:
1) I Can Change My Spouse.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! This is the biggest one of all! It really is! There is only one that can bring true change to the core of a person is God. You have the ability to change certain habits and behaviors or your own but not your spouse. God is the only one who can change the heart. If he was a liar when you met him, then unless God truly makes a change in his heart, then he will continue to struggle with being truthful. If she is shy and reserved when you met, don’t expect to make her a public speaker. God made people unique and different. You are not God. The most powerful thing you can do for a spouse that has disappointed you and continues to is to pray for them. Every day. God will bring change, either to them or maybe (gasp) even you!
2) My Spouse has Been Around Me Long Enough to Know What I Like and What I Need
NOT! LOL! Just like people change for better for worse, your spouse’s needs change. What you thought he or she liked is not always what they really want. This leads to lots of fights and arguements among couples. It is the reason people look outside the marriage for getting their needs (which will never really get them met and will lead to divorce in a hurry). A great book to take a look to determine what your needs and desires are is “5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. it is a great resource to find out what your spouse really wants or least how to meet your spouses’ emotional and physical needs. I found this quiz that will help give you an idea and your spouse what matters most to them. I encourage to take this quiz. Both of you.
(This part is for the guys. So if you are a woman, scroll down past this part)
Yeah, I didn’t think you would ladies so here I go anyway guys. Looking at the picture at your desk at work is not spending quality time together. Grunting when you walk in the door will not woo your woman. It takes words to communicate. (I am guilty of this guys) You have to tell her what you want too. Since you ladies are reading this part, when a man opens up and tells you what he wants and is opening up to you, it is not the time to release the years of the frustration you have been building up for a moment like this. There are constructive ways of getting what you both want but blasting your man will not only guarantee he will not say a word again, but will guarantee you won’t be getting your needs met either. At least not with the exuberant attitude you would like. There is nothing worse than a spouse (this goes for men and women) doing something with a bad attitude. It really ruins it and makes whatever it is a meaningless gesture.
I will share some more myths later. Maybe I will get my beautiful wife to guest blog with me on one of these. Stay tuned!
One of His (Kevin)
